Am I crazy or just stupid? Maybe cheap?

by admin on March 22, 2011

I came to accept that nobody is liked by everyone, but I’m still struggling with the fact that this rule also applies to me. I need everyone to like me to keep my sanity. There will always be people who like me and those who don’t. That’s just life. Yet, I keep struggling to accept that not everyone’s gonna like me. I just go crazy when someone don’t. And it’s ruined my whole life.

When I first started at college, everyone talked to me but Jessica. Before I met Jessica, I behaved myself and was on good terms with everyone. Then I met Jessica, who disliked me from DAY 1 w/o ever giving it a chance. I just didn’t get it and grew jealous as she talked to other people. I begged her and gave her $$$, which just disgusted her. Pretty soon, I cursed out everyone else for an anger outlet and even once screamed obscenities in the coffee shop. I also had a car accident over that girl. In the end, I hit and threw stuff on top of my verbal spewing and that was the last time I been on campus.

At work, a girl named Emily won’t be my friend. It didn’t matter that everyone else talked to me. In the beginning, I was more passive aggressive. I stood by the fitting room instead of working bc Emily worked in the nearby department. I got a poor eval for not producing. I also begged and paid her money only to get written up for harassment. I also remember resisting people greeting bc Emily was a cashier and I knew being near her would trigger me to keep begging. Finally, I exploded at Melissa on the sales floor and physically assaulted an object in front of customers. I got canned for workplace violence.

At the job after that, I started out with everyone talking to me, that is, everyone but Kyra. She seemed to be ignoring me, from DAY 1. However, I just assumed she didn’t like talking all that much, so I tried talking to her more and more. And the first several months, I behaved myself bc I didn’t even know Kyra hated me. When she finally told me we weren’t friends, I felt really slighted. I ended up begging and giving her $$$ and since I worked at the store level, they called corporate on me. Because of my jealousy issues, I treated her friends like crap and got written up for that. (And flicked off my boss in the process.) I also stared at her on my days off and finally screamed at my boss publicly. I got suspended, then ostracized when I came back, so I quit.

The job I was successful at was a department store job. I did good because I didn’t meet anyone who disliked me. That’s how come I got an award for customer service for April 2008. And my supervisor gave me good reference for my next job after that store closed. I used to think too bad there’s not more places like that. Now that I hit rock bottom, I realized I have a problem. How do I change? I’m already in counseling and meds.
Well, co84, you don’t need to read it then.
Unhappy girl, I feel ya hon. I’m not doing too good either.

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    { 3 comments… read them below or add one }

    Yasmin Down March 22, 2011 at 2:52 pm

    Alright… I know this is hard for you 🙁 Remember, there are 6 billion other people on this planet. Why stick your neck out for someone who treats you like crap? You totally deserve better than that, you sound like you really could be a great friend with the right mindset.

    I know it’s hard when people don’t like you, but unless you did something to them to not like you (which I doubt from this story), then they are complete dicks, and why would you want to be their friend anyway? Why get jealous over a person like this?

    I don’t think there is much I can say that a councillor won’t say, but… remember- would you completely screw your whole life just to make a small minority of people like you?

    Good luck ^^

    CTC March 22, 2011 at 2:52 pm

    Well there must be people out there that u just dont like. Its just human nature. There are people i dont like just by the way they look. I trust my gut feelings.
    Thats just life. Dont get upset over it and dont try to bribe people to accept u.
    If ur going to give away money then donate it to Japan. They will appreciate it and accept u and ur help.

    Mike March 22, 2011 at 2:52 pm

    Bad habits are always hard to break, especially when they’ve been going on a long time but that doesnt mean you cant overcome it. You already took the hardest steps- admitting this is a problem and getting help you need. Counselors can help you pinpoint the root of the problem and guide you through the steps to heal, but you need to motivate yourself, dont get discouraged. Find healthy ways to deal with stress and make real friends- exercise, music, art, sports, volunteer, community organizations etc. You’ll feel better about yourself and also make friendships with people who actually share your interests. Always better to have a few real, close friends than alot of fake friends, be selective. If you have to buy someone’s friendship they arent worth having in the first place.

    Everyone makes mistakes, but unless you learn from them, they will just keep repeating themselves. Talk to friends & family about whats going on so they can support and be there for you. No matter who you are, you can’t please everyone- dont take that personally, its true for everyone – it takes time to really get to know someone, anyone can pretend to be your friend when its convenient. Be yourself, know your real friends. If people cant accept you, thats their problem, not yours. Hope you get better.

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