I feel like my boyfriend is all wrong for me. Should I stay with him?

by admin on February 5, 2011

My boyfriend and I met in April of 2006, as I began to work at his workplace, where he was my manager. Our first date was a month later, and I only agreed to go out with him because he had told me that he and his current girlfriend have separated, and that she had moved back to her home state. After about 2 months of dating, he told me that his ex was moving back to town and had asked him to let her stay with him for 2 weeks until she found a place of her own. He asked if it would be okay with me, and I told him to help her out, and that he couldn’t just leave her on the street with a child (which, btw, is not his). Well, 2 weeks turned into 3 months, during which he only invited me over to his place twice, when she wasn’t home. Those two times I could smell a woman’s scent on his other pillow, but he insisted that she sleeps with her daughter in the guest room. When those 3 months passed by, I had told him that either she’d move out or our relationship was over, as I found it hard to believe that a guy could live with his ex-girlfriend of 2 years and not have anything going on between them. She finally moved out. However, for about 8 months after he had kicked her out, she had been to his apartment on many occasions, often stayed the night, and he wouldn’t answer the phone when I’d see her car in his driveway and would call him on purpose. She would even come see him at work and call him there, and when I’d ask him if she knew about us, he just kept telling me it would be best for the business if no one knew about our relationship. In May of 2007, I decided enough was enough, packed my bags and left to stay with a mutual friend in another state. After a few days of his begging and promising how everything would be different, I decided to return under two conditions – we wouldn’t keep our relationship a secret, and I would move in with him. So I did. During the next two years or so, I had him change his phone number twice, as I found out each and every month that he had been talking to his ex (I still have the cell phone bills). In September of 2008, he went out of town to visit his brothers and had an accident. I got a phone call from his brother that he was attacked by two men, who tried to rob/kill him. He kind of explained to me what happened, but the story didn’t make sense. I drove 2 hours to the hospital where he was, and when I would ask him to clarify the story because it didn’t make sense to me, he would just get mad. It wasn’t until a few months later that I found the police report of the accident. The report stated that he had picked up two females and once he was on the road with them, he had changed his mind about "having fun" with them, and when he had asked them to leave, they attacked him out of anger. He denies that story to this day, just like he denies the phone calls to his ex. In August of 2009, he went out of town again, and I found out he had met his ex at a hotel out of the state for a few days. That’s when we changed the phone number the second time, and I haven’t seen her phone number on the bill ever since. He is 17 years older than me, and we are from two different countries (I am from Europe, he is from the Middle East). I run his store that he has had for two years. I don’t get paid, because he says he takes care of all the bills, rent, doctors, etc. He never kisses me, I have to beg him even for a hug, I just feel like he is only using me. But when I bring it up or mention anything like that, he turns it against me, saying I am the one using HIM. He often goes out of town and just travels places, while I am at home waiting for him. I don’t have any friends. I tried many times to forgive him for how much pain he put me through the first couple of years, but I always realize that I just can’t. If I were to leave him, I wouldn’t have a place to go or be able to get a job. I don’t have any money, as he is the one in charge of finances. I don’t know what to do anymore…any suggestions?
Whenever I bring up the fact that I am not happy, or that we should separate, he says he will MAKE me happy…and he has been pushing for a baby, saying we will get married one day. That’s as far as his affection will go…

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