I'm having issues with my stepson?

by admin on July 11, 2010

I’m going to set the base for the story. When my gf and I started dating, she is now my wife there were rumors that went around our workplace about her having a child. One morning she told me that the child I have been hearing about was not her. He was her ex-boyfriend’s and his mother ran off and she was the closest thing he had to a mother. I didn’t get a good vibe with that story. It was about 5 months later when I was at her house and saw his name on something and it was the same as hers. She proceeded to tell me that he actually was hers and she was married before, and was going through a divorce. I kind of looked past it because I felt something very strong for her. Before he was here with us she got pregnant but didn’t know til after he was here. We started sharing finances when we moved in together and pretty much everything we made went to buying him toys and candy almost everyday she worked. We could barely make rent and I had to take out several cash advances to make car payments which ran my credit card balances sky high. Fast forward a bit. We now have a 5 month old daughter. She remarked to him when he first got here to be careful with her because she has a soft spot on her head. Almost instantly he went feeling all over her head for it while I was upstairs and she wasn’t even paying attention. He has hit her several times including hitting her on the head with his chin. She continues to pass it off as an accident. All he does is yell and scream at everybody. Cries at everything and throws fits. We are living with my mom and brother for now too. He has completely taken over the house it seems like. He throws trash on the ground, yells, ignores everyone, still continues to do things that he knows will hurt my daughter in front of me. He’ll even smirk about it while he attempts to do so. He is severely ADHD but my wife is in so much denial to the point where she thinks nothing could ever be wrong with him and that he is absolutely perfect. He is five and can barely even get a 1/3 of the way through the alphabet or count past 8 unless being helped. I feel he is a danger to my daughter. It is to the point to where if he keeps up it may be the end of the marriage. I don’t know how well it would hold up in court if I fought for full custody with him being a danger to her well being. I don’t think he will ever get better because both parents are in denial that he has any problems. If it were to happen I could raise her by myself financially and have the means to provide a safe environment for her. I don’t know what to do. I have nightmares constantly about him doing something to her and the pain it causes me is not healthy and I feel like it is causing me to slip into depression. I need some advice

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{ 7 comments… read them below or add one }

nora July 11, 2010 at 9:41 am

first of all try counseling for you and your wife. let her know that if she can’t or won’t get help for her son that you will have no choice but to leave her and seek full custody of your daughter, that he is a danger to her. he is jealous that he is no longer the baby. you are his step dad and you should have some say on what is going on. he does need to be on medication, focalin or another brand. my friends grand kids were adhd and omg they were a handful. i baby sat them for a while. don’t give up quite yet if you love your wife. try and do what you can he is still young and can be helped, just keep an eye on your daughter while you are trying to get him help.

Sheniquah Trois July 11, 2010 at 9:41 am

hindsight is 20/20 and now you just either deal with it and tell your wife to fix this now or it is over

but your daughter will be around her half brother because your woman will get custody of her (no way you can keep the kid from her 100%) so your point of unsafe situation will not be covered.

it sounds like the behavior runs genetically from the mom down to the step son

Dave Knowsitall July 11, 2010 at 9:41 am

send him back to live with his father before he hurts your kid.

life coach July 11, 2010 at 9:41 am

You have reason for concern. Call child services and ask for their help. This is serious. Start documenting everything.

she's here July 11, 2010 at 9:41 am

It’s time to put your foot down. Start making plans for you and your daughter. Like transportation, baby sitter so you can work, a safe place to live. Then tell your wife either she take that child to counseling and get him help or you and your daughter are leaving. Get the law involved, if you know someone in the legal system that can give some good advice and/or back you up, that would be great…….Also, sometimes a sport of some kind help kids with ADHD. Consider putting the boy in soccer, baseball, basketball. See he interacts with other kids, then you have a coach to help you. Someone other than yourself to tell your wife and the father that something is wrong. It maybe this kid is looking for attention.

mariasonawire July 11, 2010 at 9:41 am

Keep it simple. Tell her. Have an intervention. Ot at least persuade her to compromise and have him evaluated so she can wake up. When you married her you married all of her so this is your problem too. I would ask her to leave or start a plan for getting him straightened out. And in the meantime, he is not to be unsupervised near your little girl.

Marilyn July 11, 2010 at 9:41 am

ok divorce means she will most likely get custody then he will really be free to harm your infant and he will.
his parents deny his behavior because they know it reflects back on them.
so if he sexually molested her in 5 years they will still deny it.
stay around, write down and document everything, tell social services now that you suspect him of hurting your baby.
tell the baby’s doctor.
you might her only protector. ooh if i saw the kid smirking i would wack his butt so hard.
call him Damien, ever see the movie The Omen? a movie of a little boy who is satan’s son.

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